so this week so far has been: sleeping, reading, trying to find work, interning, driving my sisters, having my sisters drive me, shopping [i bought a shirt that said "trust me, i'm perfect" hahahahah gross i know i dont know when i'll wear it but i couldn't pass it up], eating with friends and having a fun time at my expense [ie laughing ourselves silly over my stupidity and the horribly embarrassing things i say/do]

i have pictures from the college training but since i lack my own computer, i am too lazy to set up my camera to upload. soooo i'll just have to be fashionably late with updating [again]. the summer training was good- it was an experience living with just my sister at my apartment. the college training was awesome except everyone was sick and i felt very inadequate memorizing the millions of stuff we were assigned.

i guess the biggest thing i got from both was a fresh consecration and love to Him. it never really occurred to me that the Lord's second coming was something to look forward to. i was always so scared of it and i felt like i was so completely inadequate when it came to these matters of being ready for Him. however, the point is really not to worry about these things, but to really just love Him and live Him out as much as we can. the more we take Christ as life to us, the more He prepares us and the more oil we gain. it's so easy. we don't have to think about it or do anything extraoridinary in our own trying. If we love Him, it comes naturally. and WOW the bible is a love letter written to us- His long lost love.

being the huge romantic SAP that i am, its so easy for me to think in these terms. i mean, the Lord is like a soldier who was drafted to a war, and we are His sweetheart waiting at the home front for Him to return to us. and the bible is this long love letter. oh man. if i really saw this, i would [as well as everyone else] be scrambling to read the bible over and over again. i mean, if your dearest love left and wrote you this big letter, you'd be crazy not to read it. but the thing is our love for Him. if we love someone, its natural to just read their letters. if we love someone its natural for us to await their coming. Lord make me one who loves You to the uttermost, who sees you as the first in my heart, the King of my being. take away all the earthly loves because absolutely no one is better than you. that way, You can be my desire, that way, i am able to truly say, "Come, Lord Jesus!"

i must say its rather difficult to fully live all this out now. i wish i were surrounded with saints. i really REALLY miss all the LA saints. but i'm trying to do some on my own and hopefully grab some other young people to pursue with here at fremont. that will be another challenge- getting myself to band with people i'm not accustomed to being around. i only hope that the Lord will preserve me this summer and keep the first place He deserves in me. it always seems like a whole battle inside me, with everything in my life trying so hard to be the first and the most important. i need to keep Him first and always first.

hm. i wasn't planning to write all that... i guess i tend to keep these things to myself because i always feel like my portion isn't really heavily ingrained with the truth and because i don't want people to start thinking i'm some weird spiritual enthusiast. so yeah, don't think that okay? thanks :) pictures later.